Memories blur, blend and fade.
Tonight I got out my Shawn Colvin "Holiday Songs and Lullibies" CD that I pack away with my Christmas music each year, but really, it takes me back to the baby years. I recall very clearly the moment when I had to buy the CD. I saw a Johnson and Johnson ad with Shawn singing a snippet of "All the Pretty Little Horses." It was filmed with her on a stool, with a guitar, very stark, in black and white. It literally brought me to tears, on the couch, amidst laundry chaos.

Chronologically, I know this was pre iTunes days, and really, pre high speed internet as well...back when the internet was more a pain than anything else. Still, I searched until I found the song, then the CD, and ordered up a bunch of them on amazon. I know I gave them to Sue, and to Katie, but am not sure who else. Here's the memory kicker though. The thing that is bugging me. I can recall the moment clearly, having to buy the CD, feeling the music deeply, but can't remember if I bought the CD while just a mom to Devin, pregnant with Gwynn, or mother of two! I know it was sometime from 1999-2001, but that's it.

The songs take me right back to feelings and moments, but back to the blended days of baby raising. "Now the Day is Over" and "Rocking" remind me of Devin, as does "Evening is a Little Boy." "The Night Will Never Stay," mocked me at the time when I was sleep deprived, but makes total sense now. Yet, the CD was purchased specifically because of "All The Pretty Little Horses," and that was the song I sang to Gwynn, each and every night, when we read and rocked in her room, just before she peacefully, and so independently, laid down on her own, in her perfect white crib with angel bedding and fell asleep.

All is not lost. There is always a solution. I know I will be able to go to Katie, or to Sue, or to other people with more precise memories than me, to figure out the days and dates of my memories. I will be able to pinpoint when I bought this CD and the world will go on. But I am also reminded, suddenly, of why I keep this blog. Memories blur, blend, fade, and I write to preserve the memories of the everyday...the memories of the moments...the memories that are my life.