Had a funny moment last night at 3 am. There was a not so small child standing by my side of the bed saying "Mom, I have a nosebleed." As I came to a bit more, I realized it was Gwynn, and at the same time had the odd realization, yet again, of how similar my kids voices sound. I know this will change in the near future, as Devin's voice makes that awkward descent into adolescence, but for now, at least in a sleep induced fog, it is a tough call. I rolled out of bed, and went with her to the bathroom where I was thankful, yet again, for those compact fluorescent bulbs, and the fact that they warm up, slowly, just like my eyes.

In a rare moment of good middle of the night parenting, I decided to stay up with Gwynn for a bit, just to be sure this nosebleed stopped. So, once she was cleaned up, I sat down on the toilet seat, flicked the lights back off, and held her on my lap by the dim glow of the nightlight. It was still and quiet, and I just held her close and went into that automatic motion of rocking her back and forth. My mind went back, even there in the upstairs bathroom, the "in major need of a makeover" room that I loathe most in our home, to peaceful times. In an instant, I remembered her infant days, and her soft weight in my lap as I gave her a bottle. I recalled times on the edge of her bed, rubbing her tummy so she could fall asleep. I remembered "bad dream" episodes, irritating at the time, and sometimes taking place several nights a week.

Pretty quickly, it seemed, her nosebleed was under control. As we headed back to her bed, I really felt like I'd almost like to be invited to stay, for a while. To rub a tummy. To smooth her silk soft hair. But in the instant that I tucked her back in bed, she said, "Thanks, I'm OK now Mom," curled up, rolled over, and went back to sleep.

At times, I get annoyed that I am the default parent. Tim is 110% involved with our kids, and in all aspects of their care, but for some reason, when there is a need, it is always "MOM!" It never fails. And last night, when that not so small child beckoned at the side of my bed, my first thought was "Why do you NEVER go to your dad?" But do you want to know my final thought, as I drifted back to sleep myself? What a true blessing it is in this life, just to be needed.